Friday, November 14, 2025

The Mighty Brain: A Story of Dementia, Love, and Everything a Life Holds

The Mighty Brain: A Story of Dementia, Love, and Everything a Life Holds

By Ellen Samson — Dementia Speaker

Emma stood in the doorway a little longer than usual that morning. Her senior was already settled into the armchair by the window, watching the maple tree sway as if she were waiting for a familiar moment to fall back into place. There was a softness in the room, but also a weight — the kind that makes you whisper without knowing why.
Three pounds.
That’s all.
It held the names of her children before she ever spoke them out loud.
It held a hundred recipes she never needed a cookbook for.
It held years of love, loss, hope, forgiveness, and all the complicated, beautiful things that make a person who they are.
Now it was tired.
Not broken.
Not failing.
Dementia doesn’t erase a life.
It reveals the weight that life carried.
I remember what you’ve forgotten.
I honor what your brain can no longer hold.
I see the life behind the symptoms.
And you are still worthy of love, dignity, and tenderness.

As Emma watched, a line from an article she’d read the night before kept repeating in her mind:

“The human brain weighs about three pounds, yet it carries more of us than anything else ever could.”

Three pounds that somehow managed to run an entire life.

It’s strange when you think about it. This tiny organ takes up only about two percent of the body, but it consumes twenty percent of our oxygen and twenty percent of every calorie we eat — even when we’re fast asleep. It hums along on roughly twelve watts of power, about the same as a night-light. And inside that small, protected space are more than 100 billion neurons, each connected to thousands of others, weaving together the story of a human life.

Emma looked at her senior and felt a warm sadness settle in her chest. That incredible little organ had once held everything for this woman — every memory, every milestone, every heartache, every quiet joy.

And it held the heavy things, too — the sleepless nights, the responsibilities no one else saw, the worry she tucked deep inside, the grief she swallowed because life didn’t give her time to process it.

A brain can only keep going like that for so long.

Just worn from decades of doing the most important work a person can do — living.

As Emma stepped closer and adjusted the blanket around her senior’s shoulders, she whispered, “You’ve carried so much. Let me help now.”

Something shifted in that moment.

She realized that caregiving isn’t just about tending to someone who is forgetting. It’s about honoring the brain that once held so much — the stories, the emotions, the dreams, the wisdom, the battles, the love.

That three-pound miracle worked hard for decades, and now the world has slowed down for it. And Emma, standing there with gentle hands and a soft voice, understood that her job wasn’t to fight the decline — it was to respect the journey.

Caregiving, in its quietest moments, becomes a kind of tribute. A way of saying:

Emma took a seat beside her senior, letting the silence settle between them. It wasn’t sad. It wasn’t empty. It was full of everything that still mattered.

Even in dementia, the brain is still a miracle. And steady love — patient love — stands guard when memory can’t.

Remember, dementia changes the way a person’s brain works, but it doesn’t take away who they were or what they meant in this world. When we care for someone living with dementia, we’re caring for a lifetime of experiences, choices, and emotions that shaped them long before the disease arrived.

And even though caregiving can feel heavy, overwhelming, and unbearably emotional at times, it is also one of the last great acts of love — the kind that honors not just the person, but the incredible brain that carried them through a lifetime.


Author’s Note — From One Caregiver to Another

Caregiving asks so much of us. More than anyone ever admits.
If this story reached you, comforted you, or helped you feel seen, I want you to know something:

You’re not alone, and you’re not failing.

You’re walking one of the bravest roads a human can walk. And the love you give — even on the days you’re exhausted or unsure — matters more than you know.

I’m rooting for you. Always.

Wednesday, November 12, 2025

When Dementia Care Becomes Scary: A Safety & Boundaries Plan for Caregivers

When Dementia Care Becomes Scary:
A Safety & Boundaries Plan for Caregivers

By Ellen Samson – Dementia Speaker

Have you ever been so afraid of your next duty that your hands start shaking?

Many caregivers will never say it out loud, but dementia care can become emotionally and physically dangerous.

This post is for the caregivers who are silently breaking inside yet still show up to love and serve.

💙 Your safety matters too.


SAFETY & BOUNDARIES PLAN

For Caregivers Handling Aggression in Dementia


1. Remember: It’s the disease, not the person

When a patient shouts, curses, or becomes physically aggressive, remind yourself:

“This is not about me — it’s his brain losing control.”

This mindset helps you detach emotionally and respond with calm.
You are not their enemy. You are their safety anchor in a storm they cannot understand.


2. Stay physically safe

Your safety comes first at all times.

If the patient:

Raises a hand or object:
Step back immediately. Keep a chair or small object between you and them.

Gets verbally abusive:
Do not argue. Quietly step away and wait until they settle.

Tries to hit, grab, or spit:
Exit the room. Take a breath. Re-enter only when safe.

Additional reminders:

  • Keep exits clear.

  • Avoid dangling accessories that can be grabbed.

  • Never restrain unless trained and medically authorized.


3. Use a calm, confident tone

Avoid loud commands like “Stop!” or “Huwag!” — these can heighten aggression.

Instead, lower your voice and try:

“Okay po, I’ll wait for you.”
“Safe po tayo. Okay lang.”

Soft voice = safety signal.
Tone matters more than words.


4. Document every aggressive episode

Record:

  • Date and time

  • What triggered it (bath, food, medication, visitors)

  • What the patient said or did

  • What helped calm them

  • Duration of the episode

Share this with the family or attending physician.
Aggression may indicate pain, infection, or medication side effects.


5. Coordinate with the family and doctor

Communicate updates not to blame, but to inform.

Suggested phrasing:

“Lately po, he’s been refusing food and shouting. Maybe we can ask the doctor to review his meds or comfort level.”

If aggression becomes dangerous, request a medical review.
Behavioral changes often require medication adjustments.


6. Emotional reset after every episode

After an aggressive moment, do a quick 3-minute reset:

  • Inhale through the nose (4 counts)

  • Hold (4 counts)

  • Exhale slowly (6 counts)

  • Repeat three times

  • Say quietly:

    “It’s not me. It’s the illness. I’m safe now.”

This reduces adrenaline and prevents emotional trauma buildup.


7. Build your safety circle

You cannot heal alone.
Have at least one person — coworker, friend, or group — who understands dementia care.

Join a caregiver support group (even online).
You need a safe space to say “Pagod na ako” and be heard.


8. Red flags: Seek help if you experience any of these

  • Shaking before every shift

  • Dreading work

  • Nightmares or panic related to caregiving

  • Feeling worthless

  • Thoughts of self-harm or hopelessness

These are not signs of weakness.
They are signs of trauma that deserve attention.

If you’re in the Philippines:
NCMH Crisis Hotline1553 (landline)
Smart: 0908 639 2672
Globe: 0966 351 4518


9. End your day with self-compassion

Tell yourself:

“I did my best with what I knew today. Tomorrow, I’ll learn more.”

Caregiving is not about perfection.
It is about presence.
You can only give love if your own cup is not empty.


Sana makatulong ito, Dovie.
You are not alone.
Your safety matters just as much as your compassion.



Monday, November 10, 2025

A Message That Made Me Laugh and Cry at the Same Time

A Message That Made Me Laugh and Cry at the Same Time

Real talk from a fellow caregiver who knows exactly what it feels like to love, serve, and survive dementia care.

Thank you, Rebecca, for putting into words what so many caregivers silently live through every day. Your honesty represents thousands who carry the emotional weight of dementia care with quiet strength.

💌 From Rebecca — A Fan of #DearEllen

Caregiver & Founder of Caregivers’ Group PH
To: Ellen Samson – Dementia Speaker

Hi Ma’am Ellen,

I’m one of your biggest fans! I may not always comment on your posts, but I’ve watched almost all your videos and followed your advice since 2016. 💙

I’m also a caregiver and the founder of a small caregivers’ group here in the Philippines. We help assign and support caregivers nationwide.

Gusto ko lang i-share ang experience ko kasi lahat ng sinasabi mo tungkol sa dementia care — totoo! Super relate ako sa lahat! 🙌

Honestly, dementia cases are my favorite. They’re funny, dramatic, action-packed, and emotional all at the same time. But let’s be real… they’re also the hardest.

Lahat ng uri ng stress, anxiety, at depression, dinaanan ko na. Dumating sa point na sabi ko, “Baka may dementia na rin ako!” 🤣

After the pandemic, I decided to rest my brain kasi hindi na kinaya ng mental health ko. Mahirap man—mahal ko man ang mga pasyente ko—pag-uwi ko sa bahay… BOOM! 💥
Lahat ng inipon kong inis, gigil, at stress, sumasabog.

Umiiyak ako, mabilis magalit, at sinasabi ko sa pamilya ko:

“Pag may episode ako, wag n’yo na lang akong patulan. Nilalabas ko lang bigat ng dibdib kasi bukas, kailangan ko ulit ng panibagong lakas ng loob.” 💪

And still, despite everything, I love caring for dementia patients. 🧠💖

You don’t just need patience…
Kailangan mo ng matatag na puso at kakayahang sumabay sa emosyon nila.

Pag malungkot sila, sasabay ka rin.
Pag masaya sila, tatawa ka rin kahit pagod ka na.
Pag inakusahan kang nagnakaw o kabit, ngumiti ka na lang… minsan sumakay ka pa! 🤣

One time, my patient said, “Ikaw kabit ng asawa ko!”
So I said:

“Bakit pa kami magtatalik sa cabinet kung puwede naman sa kama mo?” 🤣

She laughed, then cursed me, then tinangkang hampasin ng tungkod — buti mabilis ako umilag!
A few hours later, best friends na naman kami.
Kinabukasan, mortal enemies ulit.
Pero pag wala ako, ako pa rin ang hinahanap.

Mas kilala pa ako ng pasyente kaysa ng mga anak niya.
At kahit madalas niya akong awayin, ako pa rin ang nakakapagpakalma sa kanya. 💞

Pero ang mas mabigat minsan… hindi ang pasyente.
Kung hindi ang mga kamag-anak na hindi nakakaintindi ng dementia.

‘Yung naniniwala agad sa sumbong na “sinaktan mo raw siya,” kahit minsan siya talaga ang nanakit. 🤣
Doon sinusubok ang pasensya ng caregiver.

Ngayon, ang alaga ko ay bedridden old-age case (no dementia).
Four years na ako dito. Nagpahinga muna ako sa dementia cases… baka ma-stroke ako sa stress! 🤣

Pero to be honest, I miss them.
I miss the laughter, the chaos, the sweetness, and the challenge of connecting with someone living in a world of their own. ❤️

God bless you, Ma’am Ellen.
I hope one day I can join your online seminars.
You are my inspiration.

From one caregiver to another,
You make us feel seen. 💙
Rebecca
Caregiver & Founder of Caregivers’ Group PH


🌷 Ellen’s Response

Rebecca, I felt every word of your story — the laughter, the exhaustion, the love, and even the heartbreak that comes with caring for someone whose world is slowly slipping away.

You spoke the truth of every caregiver’s heart.
The mix of humor and heartache that only those in this calling truly understand.

You reminded us that dementia care isn’t just about patience.
It’s about emotional courage… compassion… and finding joy even in the strangest moments.

Thank you for sharing your journey and for leading others with such honesty and grace.
I see you, Rebecca.

And I see every caregiver who cries quietly after a long day but still shows up with love again tomorrow.

With gratitude,
Dementia Speaker | Dementia Practitioner | Advocate for Every Caregiver

Para sa Asawang Nag-aalaga sa Partner na may Dementia

Para sa Asawang Nag-aalaga sa Partner na may Dementia

By Ellen Samson – Dementia Speaker

Para sa mga may asawang may Dementia at sila rin ang pangunahing nag-aalaga…
Para po ito sa inyo.


1. Tanggapin na may dalawang “version” na siya ngayon

May “dating siya” — ang asawa mong masigla, maasahan, nagluluto, tumatawa.
At may “ngayon siya” — mas tahimik, nalilito, minsan paulit-ulit, o parang ibang tao.

Mahal mo pa rin siya, pero nag-iba na ang paraan ng pag-aalaga mo.
Hindi ito pagtataksil sa nakaraan — ito ay pag-aadjust sa kasalukuyan.


2. Normal ang magalit, mapagod, at umiyak

Hindi ka masamang asawa kung minsan napipikon ka.
Hindi kabawasan sa pagmamahal kung umiiyak ka sa CR o tahimik na nagdadasal sa gabi.

Ang tawag diyan ay grief in caregiving — parang nagluluksa ka habang inaalagaan siya.
Araw-araw kang nawawalan at lumalaban nang sabay.


3. Maglaan ng “micro-rests” araw-araw

Hindi kailangan ng bakasyon para makahinga.
Kahit 10–15 minutes lang na ikaw lang:

  • tahimik na kape

  • maikling lakad

  • pagtitig sa halaman

Malaking tulong ito.
Ang isip at katawan ng caregiver ay parang cellphone — kailangan ding i-charge kahit paunti-unti.


4. Gumamit ng emotional reset kapag napipikon

Kapag ramdam mo nang umiinit ulo mo, bago ka sumagot, gawin ito:

  • Huminga nang malalim (4 seconds)

  • Pigilan (4 seconds)

  • Dahan-dahang ilabas (4 seconds)

Sabihin sa isip mo:

“Hindi siya ang dating asawa ko, pero siya pa rin ang taong minahal ko.”

Hindi nito magic na mawawala ang inis, pero pinapaalala nito kung bakit mo siya inaalagaan.


5. Alalahanin na may karapatan ka ring tulungan

Hindi mo kailangang mag-isa.

Kung may anak, kamag-anak, o kapitbahay na pwedeng sumalo kahit ilang oras, payagan mo.
Ang tawag diyan ay respite care — pahinga para hindi ka ma-burnout.

Kapag napahinga ka, mas may pasensya ka rin kay mister o misis.


6. Kilalanin muli ang sarili mo

Hindi ka lang “asawa ng may dementia.”

Ikaw si Cristina — isang babae, ina, kaibigan, may pangarap, may sariling buhay.
Minsan akala mo nawala ka na sa caregiving… pero nandiyan ka pa.
Kailangan mo lang ng pahinga at pag-alaala kung sino ka bago nagbago ang lahat.


7. Magpa-check din sa sarili mo

Kapag tuloy-tuloy ang:

  • hirap matulog

  • mainit ang ulo

  • mabigat ang dibdib

  • madalas na pag-iyak

Hindi ito arte.
Ito ay compassion fatigue o maagang sintomas ng depression.

Makipag-usap sa doktor o counselor — kailangan mo rin ng alaga.


8. Pahintulutan mong hindi perfect ang araw mo

May araw na mahinahon ka.
May araw na pagod ka.
May araw na gusto mo lang manahimik.

Lahat ng ‘yan valid.
Ang mahalaga, bumabangon ka pa rin.

At kahit nagbago ang asawa mo, nararamdaman pa rin niya kung sino ang nagmamahal — kahit hindi na niya masabi.


Para po kay Ate Cristina Austria Balobo.

#DementiaUpCloseAndPersonal #DearEllen #EllenSamson #ofw #PinoyCaregivers

The Mighty Brain: A Story of Dementia, Love, and Everything a Life Holds

The Mighty Brain: A Story of Dementia, Love, and Everything a Life Holds By Ellen Samson — Dementia Speaker Emma stood in the doorway a li...